
ARIES
SEXGOD and SEXGODDESS of the month. The Aries males can kiss around,
fool around. With the proper medical additive (CONDOMS), it will all
be ok. Enjoy mate, this is your month. Don’t be stingy! Buy the
expensive condoms, expensive liquor, and expensive food. Hell, check
into an expensive hotel and order room service before AND after your
score. At the end of the month, your bank account (and private parts)
might be in the red, but your “hit” ratio is going to be
SO in the black! Find a Sagittarius who will be amused by your cocky
TAURUS
Your relationship is becoming hectic, so stop being stubborn and just
change your partner. Don’t always rely on what you think, open
up to what your friends and family are telling you. I know it is tough
for you, but be influenced by many people instead on relying on one
or even worse, on only yourself. Your relationship is like you: inflexible.
Move your lazy cow-ass and become the healthy Taurus you used to be.
Yeah, take the Pilates course that will revive your sexy moves, then
be vain and socialize them. Take your partner’s astrological sign,
hunt the opposite sign and ENGAGE. If you don’t know the opposite
sign of your partner, masturbation is another option, but then again
IT ALWAYS IS!
GEMINI
Don't get stuck in your current relationship. Give it until the end
of this month or get out of it. Now is the time, choosing time! Take
your lover to bed tonight and let things get wet, then before you “merge”
get out of bed. Only in the height of passion can you really tell the
truth about your body match. If you can tear yourself away at that moment,
then it really was not meant to be. IF you do depart go get a Pisces
and repeat the above process.
horny-half.
CANCER
More than good intercourse, you need good talk. And you will have it!
Be prepared to spend long hours of discussion in the second week of
this month. Hit the club, order a dry martini and make things happen.
The secret: don’t be the one to say no. If the guy/girl who started
talking to you is not your match, then they will feel it walk away.
The fourth week this month is your chance for a sex-action. Find a Gemini
for a change, you know it won’t last, but at least you’ll
have a good time!
LEO
Spring-cleaning is for you (even though it is already summer)! You have
a few extra kilos these last few months, so go for low-carb diet and
slim up and to get your hormones on top. Avoid the missionary position
for sex sake, and try more challenging positions. Like the “7-11”,
my personal favorite. Time to explore during the second half of the
month, and you’ll get lucky if you have worked enough to fancy
some eccentricities. Another tip of the month: roar and roar again,
your partner will be impressed to be with such a sensual person! Find
a Taurus if you want an easy target this month.
SAGITTARIUS
Time to party this month, you organize, you receive people, and then
you forget to meet others, but that’s fine, because it is your
social month. Party hard because this heathen behavior will lead to
consequences during the next few months. When you party, do not think
of the future, just suck in the music and motion around you. This is
the month to let loose the goose! Send you invitation to Gemini’s;
they will love it, and hopefully, you!
it cool.
VIRGO
Stop making mountains out of molehills. In the third week of this month,
rely on your connection to meet someone new and don’t let it go!
Go for it, run if need be. Your smile will be the bait, and you’re
your sex-tool will hook them in. Stay on top during your whoopee session,
otherwise you might not enjoy it to its fullest. Find a Leo before they
think about humping the Taurus at the end of the bar…
LIBRA
Well, last month was not so bad, is this month going to be as good?
The answer is YES! People hear what you say (finally), and that beautiful
stranger notices you (finally). So give it a chance and expose your
skin during parties. It will help to emphasis that, well, you are quite
attractive this month. Sleepy beauty is back in town and ready to score.
Find an Aquarius to be your Prince!
SCORPIO
You want to change your life, but take it easy. You still avoid seeing
things on the bright side this month. You cannot change yourself and
that is the good news. You know what? You are great. So remember what
the parents say, “when someone smiles, smile back”. That
will lead to an early catch this month. Wow, you just started the month
and already scored, isn’t that a good result? If a Cancer approaches
you this month, that would be a good crab to scratch!
CAPRICORN
You don't know why, but you feel very romantic this month. This is not
really you, isn't it? And the weirdest thing is that you like it. Withhold,
for the time being, all of your fantasies or attraction for strange
foreplay, it is time for you to be cuddled and to like it. Anyway, you
know deep inside that life and sex are NOT the same. Any sign will do
for you this month except the slimy Pisces.
AQUARIUS
STOP playing with yourself, and let your private area remain private
this month. Smooching is the action for you this month. Your budding
relationship is becoming warmer and warmer, but not so hot; so don’t
waste your juice. Kiss, kiss, kiss, but no tongue. Find a robust Libra
that can help you control your sexual energy. If they stick around until
next month then open the flood-dam and become the Niagara Falls of lust.
PISCES
You do not love the person you are doing right now. Yes, the one you
are with is maybe not as good as your beloved ex-partner, who unfortunately
told you she/he will move on with a deeper relationship but, so what.
The important person is you in this story, so indulge yourself. Your
body needs a lot of affection, caress, tenderness, and roughness, pleasure.
Look for your skin to be touched as much as possible by your friends
or a nice new stranger at the bar. It will give you positive energy.
Find a Gemini and rub up against them, clothes on, and you will satisfy
your libido this month. Next month you can dump this buddy.